


Fevered Haze

by The_Eldritch_IT_Gay



Series: Life of a Ghost [7]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Disabled Character of Color, Fever, Gabe is good dad friend, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pneumonia, Self-Hatred, Sickfic, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:32:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9359594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Eldritch_IT_Gay/pseuds/The_Eldritch_IT_Gay
Summary: Reyes walked into the silent common room with a sigh. It had been a quiet day, most agents on one mission or another. He didn’t mind the silence usually, it was a nice respite from the typical chaos of Blackwatch, but something about this time was unnerving him. The first team of agents were scheduled to return at 0800- which meant he had around 10 hours to himself in this quiet until then. Sighing, he headed over to the coffee machine, hoping the caffeine would help his nerves a bit. While walking past the couches, he paused, noticing something out of the corner of his eyes. Turning, he saw Malik curled up on one of the couches, wearing loose sweatpants and a sweater. He chuckled quietly, it wasn’t uncommon to find Malik sleeping in odd places, they hardly ever seemed to sleep in their bed. He had almost forgot that they weren’t on a mission today, when he thought about it, he realized he hadn’t seen or heard them all day. The unsettling feeling he had earlier had returned, but he shook his head, about to dismiss their presence all together, when he noticed something off. Despite the warmth in the room, they were shivering.





	

Reyes walked into the silent common room with a sigh. It had been a quiet day, most agents on one mission or another. He didn’t mind the silence usually, it was a nice respite from the typical chaos of Blackwatch, but something about this time was unnerving him. The first team of agents were scheduled to return at 0800- which meant he had around 10 hours to himself in this quiet until then. Sighing, he headed over to the coffee machine, hoping the caffeine would help his nerves a bit. While walking past the couches, he paused, noticing something out of the corner of his eyes. Turning, he saw Malik curled up on one of the couches, wearing loose sweatpants and a sweater. He chuckled quietly, it wasn’t uncommon to find Malik sleeping in odd places, they hardly ever seemed to sleep in their bed. He had almost forgot that they weren’t on a mission today, when he thought about it, he realized he hadn’t seen or heard them all day. The unsettling feeling he had earlier had returned, but he shook his head, about to dismiss their presence all together, when he noticed something off. Despite the warmth in the room, they were shivering. Letting out a concerned noise he walked over and crouched down next to them. Up close, he could see their skin looked slightly ashen, dark circles under their eyes, and how their shaking hands were curled into fists.  Frowning, he pressed the back of his hand to their forehead, having to stop himself from jerking his hand back. Their skin was burning to the touch, hot and dry beneath his fingers, causing worry started to rise in him. As he pulled his hand away, they let out a pathetic whimper, eyes fluttering open weakly, glassy and bloodshot.

“You’re burning up, Mali, how long have you been like this?”

Their eyes lidded, and they didn’t respond for a few moments.

“ ‘m fine…” They eventually croaked out, curling in on themselves more.

Shaking his head he stood and quickly grabbed one of the thick blankets kept in the common rooms, gently settling it over them despite their indignant noises. He went over to the counter, opening the first aid kit and grabbing the thermometer before crouching down next to them again. Whimpering, they feebly tried to push him away, but he batted their hands away. He gently pressed the thermometer to their temple, stomach dropping at the reading- 104°.

“I need to call a medic…” He muttered worriedly, standing up.

“ _No_ ,” Malik cried, grabbing his arm, “I’m fine, please don’t...”

“Mali,” he sighed, looking down at them anxiously, “You have a 104° fever and that’s serious, especially with your immune system.”

“Please… I-I'm fi-” They broke off with a violent cough, hand flying up to cover their mouth. When their hand fell away, blood was dribbling from their lips, a small splatter of blood staining their hand.

Gabe did his best to hide his slight panic as he saw the blood. He was used to seeing Malik sick, they were prone to illness due to their arthritis and EDS, but it rarely got serious. Looking at the blood dripping from their hand, he was more than a bit worried, mind immediately racing thinking of complications of their illnesses. He took a deep breath, calming himself- knew better than to show panic around a sick or injured person. So, instead, he grabbed another blanket to put over them before turning on his com.

“You're not fine,” he pointed out to them, “I need to get a medic, okay?”

Ignoring their noises of protest, he spoke into the comlink.

“This is Gabriel Reyes requesting a medic at Blackwatch commons. Agent with fever of 104, shaking chills, and coughing up blood- he also has a weak immune system. Medical attention required ASAP.”

After a few moments, a voice came through the com.

“Copy that. Short staffed today and a large Overwatch mission just got back. We can send someone over as soon as we can spare one, unless patient is in critical condition.”

He sighed, glancing at Malik. Delaying treatment could be risky, but their condition wasn't critical just yet.

“Understood. I can keep him stable for a while.” He nodded, pausing for a moment before his voice took on a serious tone, “But. If his fever doesn't go down soon, or gets worse, you better be able to spare a medic and send them down here ASAP or I will hold you responsible for anything bad that happens to him.”

“Y-yes Commander Reyes. Radio in any changes in condition and we'll send down a medic immediately.”

“Thank you,” He smiled.

Turning off his com, he walked over to the sink, grabbing a washcloth and dampening it. He looked at Malik again, at their lidded eyes and the blood on their face and hand. With a sigh he grabbed another washcloth. Sitting on the couch, he gently pulled their head into his lap, placing the damp washcloth on their forehead. Their eyes fluttered open again, making a confused noise and looking up at him.

“Need to try and get your fever down,” he explained softly.

They nodded weakly, eyes half closing again. Second washcloth in hand, he gently dabbed the blood off their lip, shushing the indignant noises they made. Gingerly grabbing their wrist, he wiped their hand clean as well before putting the bloodied cloth to the side. He did a slight double-take before putting their wrist down, noticing the dark finger-sized bruises and scabs littering their exposed skin and disappearing under their sweater. Before he could look closer they shakily pulled their wrists away and their sleeves over their wrists and hands, looking away from him.

“Mali… what are those from?” He asked slowly.

“You don't… don't have to stay with me, I’m not that sick,” They muttered, avoiding his question, “You have better things to do…”

Sighing resignedly, he ask again, knowing too well how conversations like these would go. He didn’t want to press them, especially when they were so sick. After a moment, he shrugged.

“You’re coughing up blood and have a worryingly high fever, so I’m going to go ahead and say you are that sick. And either way, most everyone else is on missions ‘til tomorrow morning, wasn't doing much anyways. Plus as your commander it's my job to make sure you don't get yourself killed.”

They opened their mouth to say something but stopped themselves. Closing their mouth, they looked away again, avoiding his eyes. He had a good idea of what they were going to say. They’d just repeat the things they’ve said since they were a trembling 14 year old; ignore, deny, avoid, disregard, never caring for their own life. Quietly, he remembered when he had brought them into Blackwatch. Walking into the interrogation room after being handed the file of an ex-gang member with an long and grim criminal record, only to find a kid. A bloodied, broken, shaking kid, who had a death penalty over a lifetime sentence. A kid who had endured years of torture and neglect and trauma, who had had all the hope beaten of them. He could so clearly remember the way they they had looked at him with hollow eyes, tired and beyond hopeless. The way their voice had shook as they plead for him to end their life.

_“I don’t want to live. Why can’t you just let me die! It’s what I want. It should be my choice! If my own life is not my choice, then what do I even have? I have nothing!”_

Bringing himself back to reality with a sigh, he smoothed their hair back and watched their eyes flutter closed. Their skin was still burning hot and almost uncomfortable to the touch, and they were still shivering. Looking at them closely, he could see the clench of their jaw, the tension throughout their body.  The way their hands were clutching the blanket, white knuckles and shaking didn’t escape his notice either.

“It’s getting bad again, isn't it?” He asked, brushing the hair out of their eyes.

“¿Qué?” They cracked open an eye, looking up at him wearily.

“Your pain. It’s getting bad again, isn’t it?”

They thought for a good minute, before shrugging and lowering their eyes.  

“Doesn’t matter, I’m fine.” Their voice sounded raw, rasping, and choked, like they couldn’t breath properly.

He wondered idly if they thought they were fooling anyone, if they thought no one would notice the dark circles, the trembling, the avoidance, the way they were struggling. They were surrounded by professionals who were trained to read people, but they still would assure that they were okay. In all their years in Blackwatch, he had never seen them admit they need help, never seen them accept help. They just shut their mouth and smiled through all the pain. At first, he thought it had just been pride, but he knew them too well now.

“This isn’t The Hunt, or Apotheoun.” He said after a long silence.

“What?” They turned to look up at him, brow knit with confusion.

“This isn’t The Hunt, or Apotheoun.” He repeated, then clarified,  “You don’t need to pretend you don’t need help. You don’t need to suffer alone anymore. We're here to help, we _want_ to help. Asking for help isn’t a weakness, neither is pain. No one here would use it against you.”

They were silent, tears welling up in their eyes. Sighing, he went back to gently running his fingers through their hair. After a while, they opened their mouth to speak, but before they could, their hand flew up to cover their mouth as violent coughs wracked their body. He made a calming noise as he waited for the coughs to pass, grabbing the rag once they stopped. Gently, he cleaned their mouth and hand of the blood once more. It was when he was putting the rag to the side again when he heard them speak, voice choked.

“I’m useless, aren’t I?”

He froze for a second, surprised and concerned at their question. Looking down at them he could see silent tears sliding down their face.

“No.” He said genuinely, “You’re not useless. Why would you think that?”

They shrugged, pointedly avoiding eye contact.

“I’m not deaf, at least not in the metaphorical sense. I hear things. From recruits. From Overwatch agents. It’s pretty easy to overhear things when people don’t even acknowledge your presence. Or don’t see you as human. No one wants me here. And… I dunno, I kinda agree. I’m not Blackwatch material, I never was.” Their voice was starting to break as they continued, “I’m just some stupid ex-convict crippled mutt. I’m the weakest link and everyone knows it. What does it matter if I get myself killed. The team would be better off without me dragging them down. It’s not like I’d live long anyways, I doubt I’ll even make it past 30. You just keep me around out of pity. Because this is all the family I have. You just keep me around so you don’t have to feel guilty. You’re all just nice and keeping me around because I’m just some pathetic cripple that you don’t have to heart to let go. What does it _matter_! I should have died years ago, why do you keep bringing me back. I’m so tired of everything. Tired of watching you guys pretend. No one wants me here. I don’t belong here. Everyone’s better off without me.”

“This is just the fever talking, Mali, none of that’s true. Just try and rest for a bit, please.” He hoped that they couldn’t hear the slight shake of his voice.

“Don’t lie to me. I’m _useless._ All I ever do is get shot or sick or fuck everything up. You could easily replace me and everyone would be glad. I never belonged here, the only reason you brought me here is because you couldn’t bring yourself to let me die. I’m expendable. Replaceable. Kalli could easily do my job, so could a million other people who aren’t cripples that fuck everything up. All you do is pity me. What does it matter if I’m dying. Even if I was dying I would have to keep working, otherwise you guys will realize how pathetic and useless I am. I have to put in twice the effort just so I can compensate for all my disabilities. You don’t understand. None of you understand. Do you know why I put my life at risk on every mission. Because it doesn’t matter if I die. That’s all I can do. At least if I sacrifice myself I mean something. I can die, it doesn’t matter, none of it matters. But if one of you die, it matters, people care. You would have people at your funeral, people who actually care. I have _no one_. No one cares that I-”

They broke off coughing violently, body convulsing, Gabe was quick to cover their mouth with the rag, catching all the blood they coughed up. Once they finished coughing, he felt them go limp, still trembling slightly, eyes lidded. Their breathing was uneven, and he could hear a crackling sound with each breath. Grabbing the thermometer again, he pressed it to their temple. 104.8°. Swallowing his panic and worry, he carefully scooped them up, opening his comlink.

“This is Gabriel Reyes, following up on the medic request from earlier. Agent’s fever has risen .8°, now at 104.8°, still accompanied with coughing up blood. Crackling sounds from lungs when breathing, delirious and losing consciousness. En route to the medbay, please be prepared for arrival.” 

Their head was resting against his chest as he walked, and it was almost uncomfortable feeling the heat radiating off them, burning to the touch. It was a good minute before a voice crackled through his coms.

“Copy that. Will have a room and medic awaiting your arrival. Monitor their breathing in case of any breathing difficulties.”

He closed his com with a sigh, glancing down at Malik.

“Stay with me, Mali…” he murmured, as he quickly headed to the medbay.

* * *

Malik’s every fluttered open as they let out a whimper of pain. Their chest and throat burned, the white fluorescent lights hurting their eyes, and there was an uncomfortable pressure in their chest. Screwing their eyes shut, they blindly felt around their face, frowning at the oxygen cannula they found there, and felt their way down their chest. The second their fingers brushed over a tube sticking out of their chest, a voice startled them.

“Leave it.” Gabe ordered, “And don’t think about pulling out that cannula or IV either.”

“Wha- what-”

“You’re in the hospital. That tube it draining the nearly 2 pints of fluid in your lung. They drained your other lung yesterday.”

Cracking their eyes open, they looked around weakly, quickly recognizing the small room with a glass wall as the ICU. Gabe was sitting in one of the chairs, typing on his holovid. He looked relaxed, face impassive, as he glanced up at them.

“H-how long have I-”

“4 days. You had a 105° fever for a while, nearly gave Jian a heart attack when he saw you after I brought you in.”

They were quiet for a moment, glancing at the tube in their chest, and up at the monitor showing their vitals. They still had a fever, but it was not a high fever any more.

“You didn’t need to bring me in,” They muttered.

He looked at them critically.

“Mhmm, cause I’m sure you would have taken yourself to the medbay. That much fluid doesn’t just accumulate suddenly, so you ignored your symptoms for long enough to prove you weren’t going to go by yourself.” he chuckled, “You have the nickname ‘reckless little shit’ for a reason.”

“You didn’t have to stay with me though…”

“Jian wouldn’t have gotten any sleep the past few days if I didn’t. He tried to spend all his off time with you instead of relaxing or getting sleep, he’s always so worried about you.”

They avoided his eyes, feeling tears start to well up. He was right about everything, but they couldn’t help but the guilt that was eating away at them. All of his words seemed genuine, but in their mind all they heard was him reiterating over and over again that they were a burden. They had to clench their fists to keep from suddenly ripping out their IV, paranoia suddenly washing over them. A memory from their time in The Wild Hunt gnawed at their mind. Laying in Asiya’s bed, sweating and writhing, half-delirious from fever. Asiya arguing heatedly with another member, fighting over who should get the last of the medicine in their supply. When their fever came down after they got the medicine, seeing the man that had wanted the last dose crying over the body of a young child, then looking at them, spitting venomously that his son was dead because of them. Too lost in their flashback, they didn’t notice Gabe had moved to their side, holding their hand while murmuring calming words, their heart monitor beeping erratically. They weren't sure how long it was before a gentle touch made them jump.

“Malik, mi principe estrella...” Jian’s soft voice pulled them from their thoughts, his voice taking the edge of their panic.

Slowly, the vivid memory of Asiya's room, and the dead boy started to melt away. They managed to take a deep breath, wincing at the pain in their chest when they did so. Jian's soft, melodic voice and gentle touch served as something to ground themselves with, so they could pull themselves back to reality. When they came to their senses, Jian was sitting on the edge of the bed next to them, lacing his fingers with theirs.

“Está bien, estoy aquí, no es tu culpa,” He murmured reassuringly.

Cupping their face, he wiped their tears away with a thumb. They leaned into his touch shakily, whimpering as they did their best to take deep breaths. Slowly, they managed to regulate their breathing, eyes lidded as weariness overtook them. So out of it, they hardly noticed Jian’s hands moving.

“There you go, good,” Jian smiled, “Now take another deep breath for me, querido, okay?”

As they breathed deeply, he carefully removed the tube, covering the small wound with a sterile gauze and taping it down. Humming a soft tune, he discarded the catheter and needle, then grabbing a small syringe, injected the clear drug into their IV line. Malik’s eyes drooped closed, head falling back to rest on their pillow. Letting out a quiet sigh, he combed his fingers through their hair gently.

“Get some rest now, Mali, I’ll be here when you wake,”

He gave their hand a reassuring squeeze, he waited until he was sure they were asleep to let out a breath of relief.

“Is he going to be okay?” Gabe asked after a moment, almost startling Jian.

“No signs of damage or bleeding around the lung from his panic attack, he’ll need to be monitored though, make sure there’s no complications from the procedure. They’ll want to keep him here for a while, monitor his fever. A low grade fever like he has now is a good sign at least, usually means the body’s fighting infection.”

“Usually?”

Jian chuckled weakly, “I’m not his doctor at the moment, so I don’t know everything he’s been treated with, so I don’t know if the lower fever is a direct result from medication. But… consistent low-grade fever is good. I’d be much more worried if it spiked up to 104-105, or if it dropped completely. He’s immunosuppressed, so his immune system isn't working at the strength it needs to, but still… if the body’s not fighting the infection, there’s no fever, and that’s when it gets serious. But, anyways, with the immunosuppression, it’ll take him a while to fight off the infection, even with medicines. He should be breathing much better now though, at the least…”

He trailed off, looking at Malik’s sleeping face and smiling softly. Gabe chuckled silently as he watched.

“So…” He started, “You and Malik, huh?”

Jian immediately jerked, looking up at Gabe, spluttering, “W-what? No… I mean, we’re just…just friends you know…” He cleared his throat, steadying his voice, “He’s a patient, that would be inappropriate.”

“¿Llamas todos tus pacientes ‘querido’? Y ‘Mi príncipe estrella’? No sabía que eras tan romántico…”

Jian’s face turned scarlet and he quickly buried his face in his hands.

“No es así…” He whined, embarrassed.

“Por supuesto, llamo a todos ‘querido’” Gabe teased.

“¿Como el jefe de su departamento de inteligencia?” He muttered under his breath.

As soon as he realized what he said he immediately shot up, avoiding eye contact and bowing.

“I’m sorry, Sir! I didn’t mean to- I- I’m so sorry!”

Gabe simply chuckled, “You’re always so polite, kid…”

Jian chanced a glance up, genuinely surprised when he saw no anger on his face. Straightening uncertainly, he shifted on the balls of his feet.

“Look kid, I don’t care that you’re interested in Mali. In fact, you seem to be a good influence on him, and god knows he needs someone to always be looking out for his ass. Whether or not you’re currently in a relationship with him, I think you guys are cute together, and it’d be nice to see Malik settle down some time. Just don’t hurt them or-”

“You’ll kill me?” Jian interjected helpfully.

“I wouldn’t have to,” He smiled, “I’m sure many of my agents would beat me to it, which you’re probably far too aware of.”

Jian nodded, looking down again. Despite how Jian was taller than him, Gabe couldn’t deny how small and uncertain he looked, and it was then that he was reminded just how young Jian was. He was nearly _half_ his age, and already being put under tremendous pressure, so many lives depended on him, and he’s had to see Malik’s broken form rushed in on a stretcher far too many times. And he was hopelessly lost and utterly terrified in the face of his first love.

Pulling himself from his reverie, Jian turned back to Gabe, bowing slightly.

“Thank you for watching over Malik, Commander Reyes, if you don’t mind… I’d like to sit with him alone for a while…”

He nodded, “Go ahead, kid, just be sure to get some sleep sometime.”

Jian pulled a chair next to their bed, sitting down, and after a moment of hesitation, laced his fingers with theirs. Smiling, Gabe turned to leave the room, but not before chancing a glance back and seeing Jian press tender kisses to Malik’s knuckles, murmuring soft sweet words. He couldn't help his silent chuckle, smiling softly at the tender sight. Looking away, he decided it was best to give the two some privacy, and left quietly.

When he went back to check on Malik a few hours later, he found Jian asleep in his chair, fingers still entwined with theirs. Shaking his head with a smile, he grabbed a spare blanket, settling it over him, careful not to wake either of them. There was something calming about seeing both of them relaxed and getting some sleep for once. After a moment of contemplation, he silently took a picture of the two, wanting to immortalize the rare, peaceful moment. He left them to sleep in peace then, knowing Malik was in good care with Jian by their side.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> ¿Llamas todos tus pacientes ‘querido’? Y ‘Mi príncipe estrella’? No sabía que eras tan romántico… - You call all your patients 'darling'? And 'My star prince'? I didn't know you were so romantic...
> 
> No es así… -- It's not like that...
> 
> Por supuesto, llamo a todos ‘querido’ - Of course, I call everyone 'darling'
> 
> ¿Como el jefe de su departamento de inteligencia? - Like the head of your intelligence department?


End file.
